are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
