I want to have your abortion
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
