Are we in a gay sports bar?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
