Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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