Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
