it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
