2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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