Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sarcasm needs its own font
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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