I will die if light touches me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
