I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
