So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
