Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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