Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
