He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
