Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
