My nipple is on Facebook.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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