I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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