All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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