My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
