I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize