True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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