There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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