So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
