theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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