Dual....:-)
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
