that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
