I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
