yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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