I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize