he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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