hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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