sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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