i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
