Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
