How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
