he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
