So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
