Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
