What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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