yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
