and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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