If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there's paper in my vomit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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