You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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