3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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