I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
