Got a toothbrush?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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