I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
