He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
