And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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