But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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