The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize