I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize