bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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