She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
