So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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