What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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