"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
