He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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