you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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