my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
