I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
