Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
