I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
