people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
